HOW I'M GETTING THROUGH GRIEF

There are some things you don't prepare for; but when it happens, you have no choice than to find your way through it and out of it.

Such things are death, loss and grief.

Let's make it anguish and grief, not just grief. 

My sister and friend Busayo Opaleye was one in a million. I met her during my undergrad days. She was a fierce lover, she had a voice that stood out and she stood her ground on anything she believed in. She was one person who said her mind no matter what.

She lived with my mom and siblings. She was my sister's bestlady and my brother's padi in a way.

We lived together in the same room for more than 3 years. She stayed with me, loved 😍 and helped me and we fought too.

As God would have it, my wedding was October 15 while hers was October 22, 2022.

She died on December 17, 2022.

HOW DID I FEEL

1. I went numb when I got the news. I refused to accept it. I had a feeling it would pass and it was a prank.

2. I finally broke down the burial. That was my beginning of acceptance.

3. I felt it could have been me. It took away the i'm-serving-God-&-I'm-untouchable-by-the-enemy mindset. Just like time and chance, death happens to all whether you're young, or old. You didn't make time so you don't get to say it's not my time. 

HOW AM I GETTING THROUGH IT

1. I had to accept my reality. When I avoid this (which is easier), I extend the grieving process. She's gone. It's hard to deal with it but she is.

2. Moving forward will require looking back. This means I get to look at what went wrong, what was right and all in order to progress. It doesn't mean I dwell in regret but that's what sages do.

3. I'm looking at the things I've learned from her that has made my life better. Just like everyone of us living, she had her faults but she also had her good sides too.

4. I have people around me. We grieve together and heal together. Someone can say or do something that helps my perspective. Someone brings a word from God that helps us all and we adjust and progress

That's all I can say for now.

P.S: pain, angish and grief are part of life. I'm not a pro at handling this and I wouldn't write out what I read online. I'm still in the process and I'll continue to write this as I grow🪴

May the lord heal us beyond scabs.

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OLIVER TWIST

I'm one of those people who loves special.

I love to feel special, and I love that special feeling to resound deep within me. 

Mind you, special doesn't need to be loud. 

Why? I love serene too o. 

Special can be spending time with loved ones. 

Special can also be a simple wedding.

Last month was my wedding. It wasn't serene or loud but it was a special time for me. I was at the centre of everything so it was special.

However I wanted it to be more special. 

I wanted it to be more than my eyes could see or more than my mind could conceive. 

When I talk about more, I'm not talking referring to the party. 

I want to be significant, I want my marriage to be relevant outside mortality.

You don't get right? I know!

But I believe there's more. 

Like Neo, I know it's more than optical eyes can see. That's why the child said to Neo in 'The Matrix', there is no 🥄 spoon.

The good part is we always end up with what we want if we don't settle too quickly.

I want more and I'll get it.

Cheers to Love and all that's True.

Your faithful Omogeh,

Bolanle.

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STILL STANDING

I was about to update my status on Whatsapp and I could only click on pictures of kids. So I got the inspiration for this post.

I love kids, I love their creativity, their ability to think outside the box, the way the act like they are in charge, their ability to put up their hands and wave👋 them like they don't care.

In kids, you see different sides to life or rather, you should see different sides to life.

Alas, (I like🤠 this exclamation) it's missing in many kids. I'll use the example from the movie 'The Shack'(one of my all time favorite movie🎥🍿). Mac was raised by an abusive father who was also raised by an abusive father. From a young age, Mack was already damaged. There was no way Mack will raise a child right.

Truth be told🤔 we are all damaged in one way. We just have it differently. 😔

So today I'm raising my glass🍷 to every one who grew up broken💔 but is standing. Every one who is damaged and doesn't even realize it. 

May you find healing.

May you have the ability to raise better people.

Cheers🍾🍻 to Love 😘💘 and all that's True.

Your faithful Omogeh.

Bolanle.

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BREAKFAST AND WORLDWIDE CAKE

This February was discombobulating. 

I experienced highs and lows together.

It began on a crazy note. Someone dear to me was mourning.

As I took the journey with her, something dawned on me. 

Life has no favorites. Good and evil happen to anyone and everyone.

My friend was mourning her child who died two years ago on that day and her sister died on the same day. 

It was sad. I got to her parents' house and I had an idea of their pain as they talked about all they had experienced as their daughter grew up and died.

The truth is, these things happen to people. Some people knew how human Pastors are when Pastor Adeboye lost his son. Pastor Taiwo Odukoya's wife had been battling with cancer for two years; his daughter almost died around the time his wife died, and his twin sister died in less than 2 months.

This is breakfast. It's a worldwide cake 🎂 not a national cake. Everyone will be served with pain and joy. 

I advise we all learn empathy. It will come in handy.

I pray for healing and comfort for everyone experiencing grief at this time.

Cheers to Love and all that's True,

Your favorite Omogeh,

Bolanle

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Jw-webmagazine.com

Honey.com

Harpersbazaar.com

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ENCANTO...WHAT I SAW

Two weeks ago, I saw Encanto for the first time.

I think I've seen it for the gazillionth time as at today.

The first remarkable thing I must commend is their storyline. It's still fantasy but it's more human. How many people (or ladies) are princesses living in castles?

But with Encanto I'm impressed. I love the storyline and the songs (especially 'we don't talk about Bruno-no-no-no)

Now to what I learned

1. It's still about the body.

Remember my series on the body, and how we are meant to live as a part of one another? 

This movie reminds me of that.

They had gifts but their gifts were useless (or usenone) to themselves alone. It was meant to serve others. 

Imagine Julieta making all the arepa con queso for herself or Delores saying she wanted to listen to herself or no one else.

Just imagine!!! It would be disastrous. 

Our relevance comes from being a part of others and serving others. 

2. Don't lose yourself

While serving others, it's possible to lose who you really are. 

Luisa was so strong no one would have known she was under so much pressure. Isabella was so sweet and perfect, you'll never have guessed she was buried under the need to stay perfect for the family. 

Look at your daily activities and you'll see how easy it is to forget yourself. 

I mean, there's physical and mental stress, daily expectations from God, family, work, friends, social groups and religious organizations. Yet, we have to meet up. 

If you aren't deliberate, you'll lose yourself.

3. Don't overlook anything

It's so easy to look forward to the next big thing, and overlook the smaller things that form the major part of the big things. 

Abuela was so focused on the family, the miracle and everything being orderly that she didn't know people were under a weight. 

She wanted the miracle to be intact, and the magic strong but she didn't see the people through which it was to be expressed. She was too hard on them and she didn't know.

So have you seen the movie? What did you learn?

Cheers to Love and all that's True

Your faithful Omogeh

Bolanle.

Photo credits

Movies.disney.com

Tungur.com

Tvovermind.com

 

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WHY YOU'VE GOT TO LOVE THE ONIONS IN YOUR LIFE

Today is one of those days.

I'm not talking about countdown to New Year. (I secretly have a beef for those who make us do that countdown. Please it's my beef not yours)

Today, when I got back from getting fuel, something hit 🎯 me. 

Life is in layers. Some would say phases but I choose to use the word layers. 

When I say layers, I mean what you see when you have onions.🧅

From experience, I've come to see that sometimes when you manage a challenge you have, you may still come back to it again. 

And again. And again. And again.

It may be something you were shy about as a child. 

I just thought of a good example; someone lost his parents as a child. He's had to cope with the psychological effects as a child and then you get over it at that point.

Life can be so funny, you'll find yourself facing the same challenge you thought you faced as a child. (Hopefully) You deal with it again and get stronger.

Then you grow up to be an agile youth and you find yourself facing the same thing.

It's not a bad thing. Honestly, it isn't. 

You're just dealing with the same thing in different ways. 

It's like mathematical sums of addition. 

You learn that pretty young and early. Once you do, then you can handle other mathematical sums. 

They come in different ways and with different examples, (and they are more technical) yet it's all the same thing.

You know the good thing? The answer to the next level can be found in the previous one. 

So don't be shy and don't avoid your challenges. Don't beat yourself up for facing the same thing you thought you had gotten over years ago.

You get it? Good!

If you don't get it then forget about it.

Cheers to Love and all that's True.

Your faithful Omogeh 

Bolanle.

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Dreams time.com

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GRA WHAT? GRATITUDE!!!

This year has been all shades of great.

What makes great to be great? It the highs and lows, the strengths and weakness, the failings and the winnings, the storms and the sun. 

One of the things I learned via experience is gratitude. 

Don't get me wrong, I've always been thankful and grateful; but this year, (especially towards the end of the year) I have had more reasons to be and remain grateful. 

I think this was caused by being penniless at a point. (✌️Yep, I was, too many things to settle at some point) 

This made me appreciate and value what I had. I knew what it was to not have so I value every little that came my way. 

I can't count the number of accidents I've survived this year. I'm talking about near miss accidents that had me screaming.

I'm also grateful for the gift of relationships, friends and family.

I'm so grateful to God for always coming through for me. 

I can't count them all. As Maverick city music says, it's the Million little miracles. They make up the big miracles and blessings we can point at.

You know the beauty of gratitude? It locks in what you're feeling...

For someone who can forebrood joy like me, it helps me not to get sucked in my feelings. 

I'm not going to stop be grateful...so help me God.

What about you?

Cheers to Love and all that's True.

Your faith Omogeh,

Bolanle.

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WOULD YOU JUST ASK?

Segun stepped out of his bedroom. It was almost 11 am. He wasn't one to wake up so late but his trip from Ibadan to Jos wore him out. He was still tired and sleepy but he didn't want his cousin's family to think he was a lazy sloth which was his grandmother's way of referring to lazy people.

As he apprched the living room, he could hear his cousin's son crying. His cousin, Jide sat on the chair facing the TV. Jide was obviously ignoring his son who wanted his father's attention.

"Ayo, what's the matter?" Segun asked the boy who turned away from him. He pulled the boy to himself "Come on, talk to me" he beckoned to Ayo "what's the matter?" He asked the boy who was still crying although he knew the reason.

"Is it me?" He asked. Ayo nodded to say no

"Is it Aunt Eunice?" He got the same response from Ayo.

"Is it Grandma?" He got the same response

"Is it Grandpa?" Same response

"Is it your mummy?" Same response

"Is it your Daddy?" Ayo nodded affirmatively

"What did he do?" Segun asked Ayo who pointed at his dad.

"Remove your hand from your mouth and talk." Ayo's grandmother said as she walked past him.

He pointed at his dad. 

"You have to talk." Segun said to him

Ayo turned to Segun's ears and whispered "My daddy didn't give me drink"

"Did you ask him?" Segun asked

"He wouldn't give me" 

"Did you ask him?" Ayo asked once again

Ayo nodded to say no. 

"If you didn't then you can't be sure that he wouldn't give you. You need to go and ask him. Okay?"

"Okay" Ayo replied and Segun nudged him gently towards his dad.

"Daddy"

"Yes"

"Can I have your drink"

"Bring your cup"

Within a flash of light, Ayo ran to the kitchen and ran back with his cup. His dad filled the cup and gave it to him.

"Thank you daddy" Ayo said and sipped his drink. He paused to give his uncle a smile.

"See your chubby cheeks" Segun said and smiled back at him. 

"That's how many of us are with God. We wouldn't ask but we feel we wouldn't be heard so we carry puppy faces in sadness" Ayo's Grandmother said

"Very true" said Segun

"It is 'ask and you'll be given'. If you don't ask you can't receive what you want." she continued. "If you don't ask then you don't need or you're probably assistant-God-in-the-making because you instruct God on what to do."

Segun spent the rest of his day thinking about what his aunt, Ayo's Grandmother said. 

We still need to make our requests known without making assumptions.

It was deep.

And profound.

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WHO DO YOU HAVE, WHO HAS YOU?

I think somethings should crossover to the age to come.

One of such is a movie, yes, Lord of the rings is it's name (argue with your keypad). 😂😆

Right now, I'm watching The Return of the King.

I'll be drawing my point from two scenes:

Faramair and the other men were waiting at Osgiliath. They were prepared for the enemy...as long as they came from the north. 

This time the enemy came from the river. They fought all night and the city was overun. They lost men because of this. 

As they took their leave, Nazgul attacked them again. These soldiers were tired. They obviously fled for their lives but it wasn't the business of the enemy.

That's scene 1. Let's move to scene 2.

Still in Gondor....

Sauron sent the cover of darkness so the orcs could move quickly. These orcs came prepared.

They brought volleys and stones, They knew the gate couldn't be breeched so they brought Grond. 

They knew Gandalf would be there so the witch king of Agmar was ready for him.

The Oliphaunts were to deal with the horsemen. 

The trolls were on ground to instill fear in them and take them out quickly. 

These two scenes are the same in the world presently. There are challenges on every side. 

Today, I had to delete Facebook app from my phone. Facebook is where I get news from and it's too depressing lately. 

There's no peace anywhere in the 🌎. You're hardly out of this month's bills when you'll see another list waiting for you.

Who's on your side? Whose side are you on?

Scene 1: Faramair had Mithrandir. He chased the Nazgul away.

Scene 2: Gondor had Rohan; they had the army of dead.

What about you? Who do you have? Who's got you?

Elemi lo ma last o

Cheers to Love and all that's True

Your Faithful Omogeh

Bolanle.

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Pinterest.com

LOTR.fandom.com

Theonering.net

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THIS THING CALLED UBUNTU

I see, I saw!

I'm an Ubuntu person. For example, it takes a community to groom a child not just dad and mum.

I'm beginning to grasp the power of community.

It can make you.

Or mar you.

When you're in community, you can be sure that someone will always be there for you. Someone makes up for what you can't make up for.

That's how it makes you.

To marring you

Let me give you a gist.

There's this TV game 🎯 show called the Chase. There are 4 contestants that make up a team. Each member of the team will be asked questions for 90 seconds and gets £1000 for every right answer.

After the 90 seconds, the chaser (who chases you for the money) would give you 3 offers.

1. The least offer  which is usually low or sometimes in minus e g -5,000

2. The mid offer which is what you won in the 90 seconds

3. The high offer which is mouthwatering

The contestant asks the advise of other team mates on which of the offers to accept before making a decision. The chaser chases him to get the money. If the chaser gets him, then he leaves the team.

The money from the 4 teammates is collated and they answer some questions. If the chaser catches them, the game is off. If not, the contestants share the money equally.

So to the one I watched...

This first guy did well and he went for the high offer which was £30,000 and the chaser didn't catch him so he won that round. 

The second guy went for £7,000 and he won that round.

The third lady who just finished drama school said she was going to use her share to host her graduation party with her friends. 

E no off me...I mean I just said well it's her money.

She made £2,000 in her 90 seconds.

She didn't go for her £2000.

She didn't go for the high offer.

She went for the low offer which was -£5000. 

Her reason? It would allow her to end her chase quickly so she can move on to the next phase.

I was pained.

She made it to the next stage and -£5000 was deducted from the money. 

There was nothing they could do.

That's how community marrs you. One person's decision can go south and everyone bears the brunt.

Community can make or mar you.

Watch it.

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DO YOUR PART NOW

"He's dead!!!"

That's all I heard.

I was shocked😲... actually mortified.

"Who?"

"Nepa" said my mum.

Silence

"Bolanle, are you there?"

"Ye...yes" I stuttered

"Wo da gbo uhun mo fo bei"  she asked if I heard what she said in Ondo dialect.

"Mr. Aiyegbokiki abi"

"Yes" she said.

Mr Aiyegbokiki lived on our street in Idimu. We grew up in Sholuyi, Gbagada until my dad died. My parents were building a house in Idimu so my mum completed the house and we moved there in October. We came from boarding house in December and went straight to Idimu.

That's where we learnt what Wizkid meant by aye o pe meji. Life was hard. 

Thankfully, baba ku baba ku. We had people who decided to step in for us. 

Mr Aiyegbokiki was one of them. By the way he worked in the defunct Nepa which is why I said Nepa earlier.

Another was Mr Oshowo. Mehn!!! I respected this man too. He shared his kids provision into two whenever our mum didn't come during visiting day. 

Funny how we or I lost two of them this year.

I wish I could appreciate their effort one more time. 

Don't wait till you're wishing. Take out time to do so.

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MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL

I shot myself.

It's day 3 of September and I've shot myself twice.

This life ehn!!!

No wonder Yoruba people say afi suru meaning let's be patient.

So to what happened...

Someone offended me twice in two days. 

For each time I was going to point out this fact to the person, another person was calling me out for doing the same thing.

Inside life abi.

The first time it was like an Indian film 🎥 trick. The second time it was a wake up call for me.

Then I remembered the proverb that said when you point a finger 👉 at someone, you point☝️ three fingers at yourself.

Point 👉☝️ at something or someone to try it out.

Then it dawned on me...

The world is full of mirrors. 

What we react to in others exists inside of us as well. 

If you react to someone who always feels entitled, check yourself. There are times you act entitled too. 

Yours may just need a different kind of scenario to manifest itself.

So before you react or burst out, check yourself. 

Okay?

Let me drop my pen 🖊️ here.

Cheers to Love and all that's True

Your faithful Omogeh

Bolanle.

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DO YOUR DO

My ears hurt...

Or should I say ache.

The reason? There's a church beside my house.

It's not their Ahuja speaker that's my problem this time.

It's the people on the mic 🎤.

You see, they have few members but I'll be magnanimous enough to place them around 30 people. 

I give it up to the keyboardist, the guy is doing well. 

If I was the guy, I'm sure I would have given some people upper cut.

So the Pastor and/or the person leading music sing on one key. 

The two backups sing on two different keys. 

Even though the keyboardist always cues them in.

However as speed Darlington says, they have coconut head dem no dey hear word. 

In simple terms, they are as stubborn as the coconut 🥥 shell so they can't take instructions.

The guy is doing a good work. It's people like this that are often underrated.

Sometimes the people we give the least attention to are those who do the 'heavy duty' work. 

See cleaners in a hospital or a bank when it rains. They are on standby as customers or patients walk in and out. 

Little or no attention is paid to them.

Everyone has a place and a job. 

Each person's work is different. 

Do your part and don't try to be like someone else.

Don't berate the work done by others no matter how small you think it is 

It's the same thing in relationships. You can't afford to berate your spouse or partner for something you don't think is important. 

I've seen couples have serious challenge in this aspect. 

A spouse, say the husband believes he should be the financial purse even when the wife is making more money. The wife berates him not making enough when his role is different.

Everyone just needs to know their roles.

Without this we will all have Lori Iro (na lie) goals.

Everyone and everything is important. If you don't believe so, try not to work without your pinkie finger for one hour.

When you do this let me know.

Have your nice day ☕😘💋

Cheers to Love and all that's True

Your faithful Omogeh

Bolanle.

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Yaoota.com

Bjjfanatics.com

Ecityworks.com

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YOU GO WOUND

I've learned something.

Scratch that...

I've relearned something.

Or rather somethings.

1. We are all small. We occupy a small part in this world.

Actually, it isn't small; it's minute.

Let me repeat: you occupy a minute part among all things that exist.

So drop your shoulders or remove all your shoulder pads. Eat the humble pie 😋 and enjoy it. 

2. It takes different minute parts to make a big whole. 

Think about it like a pizza 🍕.

You have your dough, sausages, salt, tomatoes, cheese, pepper, and all the other ingredients...not forgetting the pan 🥘 and oven. 

You mix everything together in the right proportion to become something 😋🤤, delicious and enjoyable (I think I'm craving Pizza).

3. Know your place and act it properly.

Back to my Pizza...

Imagine adding salt 🧂 in the same proportion you add flour. 

That will be one hell of an who dey breet situation.

A pinch of salt may be the proportion needed for a cup of flour. 

Now that's your place.

Imagine if the salt is upset that it isn't sugar. Then salt begins to give a talk-to-the-hand attitude.

Something will be off or incomplete about the taste. This means everyone's effort will be wasted.

But if the salt decides to understand that yea, I'm salt and I will do my salty duties as happily as others who have a huge proportion in the dough, the taste will be yummy 😋. Everyone will enjoy it.

Now that's doing your part.

4. You will only be effective in the right place

"I like my space, I like my privacy" brother or sister please!!!!!  Talk to my 👏

Why don't you go to Mars?

Why did it take two people to produce you?

Why do you see people around you?

Why did you go to school?

Why are there houses around you?

Why do you need groceries or why buy things if you really want to be alone?

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!!

You belong with a group of people and you can only be effective there. 

The earlier you accept it, the better for you.

It's only when you're there that everything will make sense. That's when you'll get the answers you need. ( I'll elaborate on this in another post)

You'll also need to learn how to trust them.

Ladies and gentlemen, girls and gentle boys, allow me to enjoy myself as I drop my pen 🖊️🖋️ here.

See you later!!! 😊 😁

Cheers to Love and all that's True 💖😚

Your faithful Omogeh

Bolanle

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Readingrockets.com

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Dionisopunk.com

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MY INTENTIONAL MILLION LITTLE MIRACLES

As usual, I begin my posts without a title. 

After considering it like the sway of a pendulum clock, it's drops into my mind.

For some reason I couldn't pull this off. I'm determined to go ahead with this write up anyway. 

I've been privileged to experience the highs and lows in the lives of some of my friends. 

Everyone understands how challenging life is currently. All you need to do is go through headlines; you'll see that there's no peace any 'effing' where.

However, there's something.

It can be positive or otherwise. That thing is choice. 

I know you may be thinking "Oh we all make choices that determines who we are".

If that's what you're thinking, you get the conclusion of my point. 

Even if there's no peace in the world, we have a choice as to how we look at things. 

We decide how we look at what's going on around us. If you look at the downside, everything will seem down and look bleak. You'll find reasons to get grumpy and sad.

If on the other hand you live intentionally and you decide to pay attention to the small and minute things that make sense such as waking up, sleeping, breathing in on your own, your problems (which are peculiar to you because you're alive) I think you'll be making the right choices.

Recently, I've been reminded of counting my blessings. I woke up some days back and I had to put the song "Million little miracles" on repeat. 

I choose to be look up

I choose to choose right

I choose to be grateful

I choose to count my blessings

What do you choose?

P.S. I finally gave this post a title

Cheers to love and all that's True

Your faithful omogeh

Bolanle 💋😘

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