HUSBAND PALAVA.

Iyosiola tried to concentrate on her client. She wondered why her aunts felt working as a make-up artist was an easy job. Some other people felt it was a lazy man’s job, and others said it was for prostitutes. To her, being a make-up artist brought her joy.

The Church service was about to begin and thankfully she had blended the face of the over-excited and anxious bride. She added the powder and when the bride squealed and laughed as she looked in the mirror, she felt fulfilled. The lady had forgotten that she was complaining about the time when she had spent over two hours and thirty minutes on her face.

She took a seat, as she inhaled and reached for the bottled water in her bag. She noticed her phone was blinking and she found out she had 12 missed calls; her mum, her 2 aunts and an unknown number. She knew why they were all calling her: to get a husband.

The unknown number was calling again so she decided to walk to the veranda that was free from traffic.

“Hello” she said

“Your-see, its Auntie Adesuwa, how are you” she asked

Auntie Adesuwa was her mum’s friend. She had a distinct way of calling her name. 

“Good evening ma, I’m sorry I missed your call I was busy. I...”

Read: IS THIS LOVE 2.

“Iyosi come o, let’s go joo, the service is about to begin, what...”

“Shhh” she hushed her friends by putting her finger on her lips and told them to seat down while she spoke with her aunt “I was busy with a client when you called”

“No problem dear. I want to talk to you. Are you done, can we talk now?

“Yes ma, you can talk. I’m all ears.” said Iyosi.

“Your mum told me that you don’t have a husband, I mean like a fiancée. She’s really bothered and you’re 23, you’re not a child anymore. You should have taken him home to meet your parents by now. What’s going on?

“Auntie, when I was in Primary school, mum warned me not to go near boys and I obeyed. When I got to secondary school and I was in JSS 3, there was this group that brought sanitary pads to our school and gave us 2 leaflets: one talked about pregnancy and the other was on menstruation. The one on pregnancy fell out of my bag when I got home and mum saw it. 

She screamed and began to shout “omo yi ti koba mi, o ti logboyun wale. It means this girl has implicated me by getting pregnant. Auntie you should have seen how mum was screaming and shouting around the house. All the neighbors had to run in to ask her what the problem was, you can imagine that kind of embarrassment. She later dragged me to the lab that evening for a test to verify if I was pregnant.”

“Where you pregnant? Auntie Adesuwa asked.

“I wasn’t o, she said she didn’t want me to die from an abortion. I was so ashamed and humiliated. Imagine how I felt.”

“You know she’s your mother, she meant well. She can’t be thinking of harming you.” Her aunt said.

This woman was just there to play second mummy. She nodded and wished she could talk to her Father who...

“Your-see, are you still there, hello”

She had to come back from her thought “I’m still here ma. So when I got the University, she kept telling me “iwe ni mo ni ko lo ka o, ma lo gboyun wa ka mi mole o” it means I sent you to school to study and not to get pregnant and I was obedient. The same thing happened when I was going to serve. I was posted to Zamfara but I relocated to Lagos after camp. She was still telling me “ma lo gboyun gambari wale o, tori won ma ha e mole ni” it means don’t get pregnant for a Hausa person because he will keep you locked up forever.

“Now that I’m in Lagos, she’s asking me for husband. How am I supposed to provide him in just a month? How is that possible?” Iyosi asked her.

“Your mother just wants what’s best for you. You know it’s not right to get pregnant before you get married. It’s a sin. Fornication is a sin and...

“Auntie, in all I told you, she never mentioned anything about sex or fornication. All she said was don’t get pregnant. As a matter of fact, if I get pregnant today she should ask me where I learnt how to have sex. She never taught me sex education and as a matter of...”

“My dear, don’t hold a grudge against your mother. She loves you more than you know it. Let’s set that aside for now. What are you doing about getting married? People younger than you are getting married and having children these days ehn”

“Those are people younger than me ma, not me”

“No, no, no” Auntie said. Don’t tell me that. We have to keep moving ahead. That’s our lot as children of God. Our path shines brighter than the sun. Oya what are we going to do”

This woman felt she was strong enough to handle her. She was going to give her something to make her shake.

“Ma, I’m going to tell you the truth. Can you keep it to yourself and not tell my mum?” asked Iyosi

“Of course, there’s no problem.” she replied.

“You know I love my mother and I always follow whatever she says. When I was in secondary school, 3 of my friends were also going through the same thing so we went to see a Babalawo” said Iyosi

“Babalawo, isn’t that a witch doctor? For what?

“We all didn’t want to disobey our mothers by getting pregnant so we went to meet him to help us prevent men from noticing us. He gave us bitter kola and asked us to divide it into 2. We ate the first part of the kola and he took us to Ede in Osun State to bury the rest” she said to Auntie as she hushed her friends who were laughing. She gently whispered to them to bring down their voices.

“Osanobua eh! How could you do this Iyosi? Ok, you know what, I will take you to the Baba’s place tomorrow so that he can reverse it” said the panicked Auntie Adesuwa.

“That’s also a problem. I went to the Babalawo’s house last month and I was told he died 8 years ago. There is no sign of his shrine there anymore, I also went to Ede where we buried the other kola but they’ve built a University there. As I’m speaking to you ma, no man has ever asked me out before.”

“Osanobua eh, this girl has killed me o. I am finished.”

Her friends were on the floor. They were all rolling on the floor while laughing and she had to beg them to reduce their noise.

“Ma I won’t kill you and you are not finished in Jesus name. I am already seeing this Pastor for...”

“Which Pastor is that again? Is he real?”

“Yes he is. I know someone that knows someone that knows this Pastor. They said he travelled out and he just came back from the States with brand new Holy Ghost fire. I met him last week and he said from tomorrow we will be doing a 40-day prayer and fasting. We will be in the Church camp and not go anywhere. My friend Toyin will be with me, do you want to speak to her” Iyosi signalled to Toyin to compose herself as she handed the phone over to her.

“Hello ma,” said Toyin, “I’m fine ma...no ma...its just us...we will be alright...ok ma...I’ll send you my number...thank you ma.”

“Auntie, I’ll call you later ok, I have to go. Thank you for being so understanding. I’m very grateful. Bye.”

She dropped the phone and continued to laugh with the rest of her friends.